When many narcissists say unduly harsh things to their significant others, they subconsciously do not mean what they say. For example, when narcissists project, they are apt to off load their weaknesses onto others.
The greatest sneak-trick narcissist relationship partners pull off is convincing their significant others (SOs) to own said narcissists’ weakness.
I think significant others should have peace of mind when it comes to their being on the receiving end of unwarranted abuse.
Once narcissists’ significant others learn how to translate “narc speak,” they will be able to observe how their narcissist relationship partners’ abuse is not about them.
“Narc Speak” Translations
You are an idiot! = I feel stupid!
That sweater is lame. = I am insecure about my fashion sense.
I need to feel free = I have been thinking about or have betrayed our friendship— you need to be free or abuse is coming to you courtesy of me.
You look pale = I am insecure about my looks at the moment.
I need to start to taking care of me!! = You need to start taking care of you!! I am liable to hurt you for being nice to me. You will not understand this, but I associate kind and considerate behavior with weakness because I loathe who I am.
Why must you always fight = I am aware you are a good person and must fight me to defend yourself — lest I unfairly will see you as weak — which is what I am. However, I must pretend that I am strong as I fear you will take advantage of me once you become aware of my inherent weakness and psychological frailty.
What’s wrong with you? = I am insecure about my sense of self at the moment, but I am incapable of articulating that concept in an adult manner. Therefore, I will attack you instead.
Are you lost? = I am feeling unanchored, and I do not know what caused me to feel this way. I can not express vulnerability to you; therefore, I am going to insult you.
Don’t be so sensitive! = I know I wronged you without cause; however, I am too fragile to apologize to you directly.
Instead, I will do what comes naturally— whenever, I feel uncomfortable feelings, I go on the attack. In actuality, I am the hyper-sensitive one the two us. After all, it was your strength that drew me to you in the first place.
If you react to my unfair attack; I might go ahead and manipulate myself into believing that I am strong and secure. However, it will not be long before I recalibrate back to my default state of being weak and brittle.