I’ve been studying negotiation for a little while after putting it off even after being recommended it so many times over the last 5 or 10 years…
No by Jim Camp is what everyone should read.
“No” is one of the most important words in the dictionary, especially when it comes to negotiations.
Unlike traditional negotiation tactics that push for immediate agreement, Camp’s system encourages negotiators to embrace “No,” seeing it as an opportunity to gather more information and leverage.
“No” helps keep one’s emotions in check and maintains objectivity. It prevents premature commitments and keeps options open, fostering a better negotiating position.
Adopting a problem-solving approach rather than a confrontational stance is another cornerstone of the strategy. This involves understanding the opponent’s needs and finding solutions that can benefit both parties.
Now you must be asking, well… how does that work in the real world eh?
“Giving someone permission to say no takes pressure off by lowering the intensity of emotions.
Let’s just use children as the subject for illustration purposes. Cause we know parents have a hard time with them sometimes…
Let’s say you’re the parent walking into a parent-teacher conference to discuss your child’s lack of self-control and respect for authority.
This could be a very tough meeting, with trouble possibly brewing.
You’ve already had a talk with Johnny and you have a plan to help solve this and get Johnny on the right track.
You are here hoping to gain the teacher’s help.
his is a negotiation, plain and simple, and you should begin this exchange with a clear statement to the teacher that you have a plan and you want her to feel comfortable rejecting your ideas.
You want her to be comfortable in saying no.
You would be well advised to say at the first opportunity, “Mrs. Jones, I have noticed some restlessness in Johnny and I have a plan to solve this problem he is creating.
I want you to feel comfortable rejecting the plan and feel free to give me your ideas. That said, my impression right now is that…
This straightforward invitation for the teacher to say no allows him or her to feel comfortable and, if necessary, tell you what’s really going on.
And you must really mean this, because you probably don’t know what’s really going on at the school.
If you’re the teacher, you might begin the conference by saying, “Mr. Smith, I don’t know you well at all. I only know Johnny. He’s a good boy, but I’ve been teaching twenty-three years, and his behaviour at times does prompt some questions. May I ask them? Please, set me straight.”
This is a slightly more subtle invitation to “no”— and one the teacher should also mean. For both parent and teacher, the simple invited “no” is a liberation. Barriers come down immediately, making room for a concerted effort to solve the problem.”
…now think about how this can be applied to all facets of life.
Family, friends, business, work etc.
Flipping the switch and embracing NO will change the way you communicate and you’ll almost always win.
Stephen Walker