*Television static*
*Eminem begins to snort cocaine*
[Speech: Steve King & Hailie Jade]
Hello, boys and girls! Today we’re gonna talk about father and daughter relationships. Do you have a daddy? I’ll bet you do!
*Hailie opens the door*
*Eminem snorts cocaine*
Who’s your daddy?
Daddy, what are you doing?
[Intro: Eminem & Hailie Jade]
Ha-ha!
Okay then! Everybody, listen up!
I’m goin’ to hell! Who’s comin’ with me?
Somebody, please help him!
I think my dad’s gone crazy!
[Verse 1: Eminem, Hailie Jade & Dr. Dre]
There’s no mountain I can’t climb
There’s no tower too high, no plane that I can’t learn how to fly
What do I gotta do to get through to you
To show you there ain’t nothin’ I can’t take this chainsaw to?
(Rahhnnn!) Fuckin’ brains, brawn and brass balls
I cut ’em off and got ’em pickled and bronzed in a glass jar
Inside of a hall, with my framed autographed sunglasses
With Elton John’s name on my drag wall
I’m out the closet, I’ve been lyin’ my ass off
All this time, me and Dre been fuckin’ with hats off
(Suck it, Marshall!) So tell Laura and her husband to back off
‘Fore I push this motherfuckin’ button and blast off
And launch one of these Russians, and that’s all
Blow every fuckin’ thing except Afghanistan on the map off
When will it stop? When will I knock the crap off?
(*Knocking*) Hailie, tell ’em, baby! (My dad’s lost it!)
[Hook: Eminem & Hailie Jade]
There’s really nothin’ else to say, I, I can’t explain it
I think my dad’s gone crazy!
A little help from Hailie Jade, won’t you tell ’em, maybe?
I think my dad’s gone crazy!
There’s nothin’ you could do or say that could ever change me
I think my dad’s gone crazy!
There’s no one on Earth that can save me, not even Hailie
I think my dad’s gone crazy! (Crazy)
[Verse 2: Eminem & Hailie Jade]
It’s like my mother always told me:
“Rana rana rana rana rana rana rana rana rana and codeine and
Goddamn it, you little motherfucker
If you ain’t got nothin’ nice to say, then don’t say nothin’!”
Uh… Fuck that shit, bitch!
Eat a motherfuckin’ dick, chew on a prick
And lick a million motherfuckin’ cocks per second
I’d rather put out a motherfuckin’ gospel record
I’d rather be a pussy-whipped bitch
Eat pussy and have pussy lips glued to my face
With a clit ring in my nose, than quit bringin’ my flows
Quit givin’ me my ammo; can’t you see why I’m so mean?
If y’all leave me alone this wouldn’t be my M.O.
I wouldn’t have to go eenee-meenee-meini-mo
Catch a homo by his toe, man, I don’t know no more
Am I the only fuckin’ one who’s normal anymore? (Dad!)
[Hook: Eminem & Hailie Jade]
There’s really nothin’ else to say, I, I can’t explain it
I think my dad’s gone crazy!
A little help from Hailie Jade, won’t you tell ’em, maybe?
I think my dad’s gone crazy!
There’s nothin’ you could do or say that could ever change me
I think my dad’s gone crazy!
There’s no one on Earth that can save me, not even Hailie
I think my dad’s gone crazy! (Crazy)
[Verse 3: Eminem]
My songs can make you cry, take you by surprise
At the same time, can make you dry your eyes
With the same rhyme, see, what you’re seein’
Is a genius at work, which to me isn’t work
So it’s easy to misinterpret it at first, ‘cause when I speak
It’s tongue-in-cheek, I’d yank my fuckin’ teeth
Before I’d ever bite my tongue, I’d slice my gums
Get struck by fuckin’ lightning twice at once
And die and come back as Vanilla Ice’s son
And walk around the rest of my life spit on
And kicked and hit with shit every time I sung
Like R. Kelly as soon as “Bump and Grind” comes on
More pain inside of my brain, than the eyes of a little girl
Inside of a plane aimed at the World Trade
Standin’ on Ronnie’s grave, screamin’ at the sky
‘Til clouds gather; it’s Clyde Mathers and Bonnie Jade
And that’s pretty much the gist of it
Parents are pissed, but the kids love it
9 millimeter heaters stashed in two-seaters with meat cleavers
I don’t blame you, I wouldn’t let Hailie listen to me neither
[Hook: Eminem & Hailie Jade]
There’s really nothin’ else to say, I, I can’t explain it
I think my dad’s gone crazy!
A little help from Hailie Jade, won’t you tell ’em, maybe?
I think my dad’s gone crazy!
There’s nothin’ you could do or say that could ever change me
I think my dad’s gone crazy!
There’s no one on Earth that can save me, not even Hailie
I think my dad’s gone crazy! (Crazy)
[Outro: Eminem & Hailie Jade]
Crazy
Ha-ha-ha-ha ha-ha-ha-ha
You’re funny, Daddy!